March 11, 2019
The biggest thing that used to scare me about starting my own coaching practice was meeting people. I hated the thought of going into a group of people that I didn’t know trying to awkwardly make small talk in order to get clients.
Back then, if you were to tell me that you were putting someone I didn’t know in front of me to coach, I would have said we’re all good!
But put me in a room of people that I don’t know as my first step towards getting a client?…Me? The guy who doesn’t answer the door? The same me who never answers unknown numbers?
I remember wishing I was more like my grandfather. That guy – Jack Dabdoub – he had extraordinary charisma. Crowds would meet that guy at the door, and, whoever didn’t meet him at the door, he would eventually find while he was working the room. Contagious laughter and charm – I can’t think of a single individual who didn’t like him.
I used to think: “Why didn’t I get that gene? If I was like him, I’d have more clients than I’d know what to do with!”
And that’s what I thought: magnetism was a gene.
A lot of coaches are in the same boat as the one I was when I started: a bit timid, introverted, maybe even a little insecure because we think we’re lacking something in the likability department.
What I learned is that magnetism isn’t a gene. It’s not a gifting, something mystical or intangible. It’s not something that some people have and some people don’t.
It’s actually something we can learn.
And let me say this really quickly: I’m not talking about magnetism so we can just be the life of the party or work the crowd.
You want to help people right?
Well, what I want to show you are just a few things that will help you increase your drawing power in the hopes that you’ll get more of the benefit of the doubt than maybe you’re getting right now.
These are 4 simple ways that are more about self-awareness than anything else, and anyone can do them:
Most coaches I know are excellent listeners. Allowing other people to talk about themselves is one way of creating drawing power in and of itself. It’s just that I notice a lot of coaches will leave it at that. Take it one step further and point out the greatness you see in them:
Start out with something like this:
“Hey, I just wanted to encourage you with something: what you said about your relationship with your son really inspired me…”
Let’s face it: most people are so cautious about what they say, particularly when they are first meeting people. They’re usually awkward. They hate it as much as you probably do. And they also understand that in most of their conversations, there is a critique going on that is judging them.
When you choose to look for the gold and to call it out in people, you actually create a feel-good moment in their brain that they’ll always associate with you.
As long as it’s not fake or flattery, you’ll create a magnetic connection with the person.
Blake Schellenberg said, “He who has the most hope has the most influence.”
I remember the first time I heard that it punched me in the gut in a really good way. I’ve always been a really optimistic guy, but I literally started my coaching practice at the beginning of a terrible recession. So many people I knew lost their homes, lost their jobs, or were upside down on the mortgage. We hadn’t really fared much better.
It was so easy back then to just repeat what everyone else was saying or to just sympathize.
But the people who really change the world aren’t saying what everyone else is saying. The leaders who do just create angry mobs.
We’re coaches. We want to be brokers of hope.
I know things are tough sometimes. We don’t like what’s going on in politics, etc. But what will draw people to you is being able to share something that maybe no one else is seeing or speaking.
My grandfather was so good at this. I can remember walking through the dining room at his house early in the morning when he was drinking instant coffee and eating corn flakes. To hear the guy go on and on about how good it was, you’d think he had a latte and a gourmet breakfast. He was so good at pointing out beauty and expressing gratitude.
I have worked with a lot of executives and businesspeople over the years, and, as you can imagine, they’re very driven, but they don’t always express joy and a love for life itself.
Richard Branson, Founder of the Virgin Group (airlines, etc.) is one of those rare billionaires that express this. It’s even in the title of his autobiography: “How I Survived, Had Fun, and Made a Fortune Doing Business My Way.”
Think about the kind of people you like hanging out with? What kinds of people are they?
Bitter? Irritable? Ungrateful? Debbie Downers?
Of course not.
Those people up our stress level and make us hide out.
The people who draw us are those who express gratitude, are amazed at life every day, and they are people who, more specifically, celebrate life.
There is an old adage that I stress to our Jumpstart Your Coaching Practice students: “Givers gain.”
I tell our coaches all the time: “If you’ll have your hand out, not to receive but to give, you’ll never have an empty hand.”
Takers are people who live their lives out of scarcity. If we are takers, we will attract takers.
As an aside, let me add that if someone is afraid of giving because they won’t receive anything back, then that is a scarcity mentality right there. Giving out of lack really will bring lack.
What I’m talking about is abundance. Abundance simply means that you’re not giving out of a feeling of lack and you don’t have a fear of a lack of reciprocation.
Think of the ways that you can serve people in your network. Think of ways that you can add value to others. There are a number of ways that you can do this outside of spending money or even time (though you might do either or both of those things). Sometimes it’s just arranging strategic connections with people – an introduction or an email.
People remember those kinds of things and are drawn to you because you put them first.
These are just 4 ways you can increase your magnetism quotient, but there are many more.
And, like I said, you can put this into practice immediately!
I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
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